I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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