sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
