Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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