I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The Olympian is in my bed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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