I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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