He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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