I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i already hear my dad disowning me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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