he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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