I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
