just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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