I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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