I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
