I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
