i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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