Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I AM VODKA MAN
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize