chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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