i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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