Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
