I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
