garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
