Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
