Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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