That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
