Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
