His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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