You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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