Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
