Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
