Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I puked a lego.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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