what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
