we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
