DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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