Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't deserve a penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
