Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
