she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
