Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
