did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
