Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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