Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
