did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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