Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
