4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
