and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
