it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
