Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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