the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
