Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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