you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
