In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
