Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
