I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
