so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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