im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
