Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
