She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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