really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wear drunk well.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
