Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
