Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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