Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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