i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
