Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
