I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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