Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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