I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
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