Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
