Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
