i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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