You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
