My cat gives me a boner
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
