you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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